If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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