dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I need to sanitize my soul.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
