How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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