alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
