Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
it's like iHOP with fire
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
