Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
