i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
