just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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