my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
