I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Fuck appropriateness.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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