I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
