you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
