Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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