David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
