She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
this hospital has no fireball
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
