atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
