so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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