Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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