There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
