The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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