just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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