We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
