if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
