I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
