Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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