I think i peed on brittanys purse
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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