I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
