Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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