that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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