HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
