if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
