It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
