My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize