Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
