We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
