Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
