We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
