I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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