If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Are we still banned from the library?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
