After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
