I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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