Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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