Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
