Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Ladies don't puke and tell
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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