If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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