to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
