I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
