I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
