For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
