If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
