Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
