Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
