just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
And then he peed in my hair
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