I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
