Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
