we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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