I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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