You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
