Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
