Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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