lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
