the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
