O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
