this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
