You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
