Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
