So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
